JUSTIN BIEBER ACCUSED OF ANIMAL CRUELTY BY CALIFORNIA HAMSTER ASSOCIATION

MAN HOSPITALISED AFTER EATING 'TOO MANY SPROUTS'

PASTOR 'CURES' GAY TEENS BY GETTING THEM TO STROKE HORSES

CANNABIS FARM ELVIS SINGER JAILED

MAN CARRYING TUB OF FECES ARRESTED FOR UNIVERSITY DISTRICT TIRE SLASHING

IMAGINE THERE'S NO BELGIUM, IT'S EASY IF EU TRY

CENSUS REVEALS OVER 800 JEDI KNIGHTS LIVE IN CROYDON

LEMUR NAMED KEANU ATTACKED WOMAN NAMED REEVES

MAN BURNS HIS HEAD AFTER MISTAKING IRON FOR PHONE

'EXTREME PORNOGRAPHY' MAN FOUND WITH INDECENT IMAGES OF OCTOPUSES

MYSTERIOUS MONKEY IN POSH MINIATURE WINTER COAT FOUND ALONE AT TORONTO IKEA

FLORIDA MAN FOUND DRIVING AROUND WITH TRAFFIC SIGN EMBEDDED IN HIS SKULL

MAN SHOOTS GIRLFRIEND IN THE BACK FOR NOT TAKING THE POSSIBILITY OF A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE SERIOUSLY

79-YEAR-OLD EX-BULL RIDER THROAT PUNCHED BURGLAR STONED ON BATH SALTS

WHISKEY SAVES MAN'S EYESIGHT AFTER BEING BLINDED BY VODKA

TELETUBBIES-COSTUMED HOCKEY PLAYER WAS 'SUPER DRUNK'

WOMAN'S BOTCHED BUTT FLIPS INSIDE OUT

MAN WHO KILLED EX-GIRLFRIEND'S PARROT WITH FORK GETS SIX MONTHS IN JAIL

'FRED FLINTSTONE' STRANDED AFTER IMPALING ARM ON RAILINGS

WOMAN ARRESTED AFTER 'JOYRIDING MANATEE IN FLORIDA'

NAKED FLYING WOMAN CAUSES STIR IN MASVINGO

SUSAN BOYLE ACCIDENTALLY INVITES FANS TO AN ANAL BUM PARTY (#ANALBUMPARTY)

TORY MP WAS NOT WEARING TROUSERS WHEN STOPPED BY POLICE DRIVING A TRUCKLOAD OF SHEEP

LOVE-RAT OF NINE CHILDREN TO EIGHT WOMEN WHO HEADBUTTED EX-GIRLFRIEND IN ROW OVER CHEESE TOASTIE JAILED FOR JUST 20 DAYS

OFFICERS INJURED IN LESBIAN KILLER FIGHT

PETER PAN AND SUPERMAN FINED AFTER SCUFFLE OVER BID TO GROPE NUN

AUSTRALIAN DRUNK RIDES CROCODILE, GETS BITTEN

MAN TO FACE TRIAL AFTER ROW OVER ATTEMPT TO FEED POLICE HORSE A SAUSAGE ROLL

JUDGE CALLS TROLLEYS DANGEROUS AFTER WOMAN SHATTERS HER ARMS LOOKING FOR PORK PIE

FLAT BLAZE STARTED BY SAUSAGES

GRANDMA IN RUSSIA KILLS WOLF WITH BARE HANDS AND AXE

INSEPARABLE FERRETS TO MARRY AT CHRISTMAS

DISABLED GRANNY ATTACKED BY FERRET AS SHE RODE MOBILITY SCOOTER IN BINGHAM

FLORIDA WOMAN BUSTED FOR MASTURBATING IN STARBUCKS WHILE HIGH ON CRACK

LOVE RIVAL KILLED BY MAN WALKING MONKEY

BARACK OBAMA WILL WIN SAY PERUVIAN SHAMANS

TRICK-OR-TREATERS HANDED BAGS OF COCAINE IN MANCHESTER

HEDGEHOG TRAPPED IN CRISP PACKET IN WESTON-SUPER-MARE

CHINESE MAN SUES WIFE, WINS AFTER 'INCREDIBLY UGLY' BABY IS BORN

COLLEGE BOARD PREZ SAYS SEX-DOLL CLAIM INFLATED

SILLY STRING ATTACK ON BOY CARRYING OWL

COP DIPPED HIS HEAD IN BUCKET OF URINE

GIRL SHOT AFTER BEING MISTAKEN FOR A SKUNK

YORKSHIRE HOUSEWIFE 'RAISED BY MONKEYS IN JUNGLE'

CHICKEN SPILL FOWLS UP MOTORWAY

IN HOME RIFE WITH STRIFE, HUSBAND KNIFED BY WIFE

HULK HOGAN NOW SUING BUBBA THE LOVE SPONGE

MORE THAN HALF OF CHILDREN HAVE NEVER GONE POND-DIPPING OR BIRDWATCHING

MAN COOKING SQUIRREL FOR LUNCH SPARKS FIRE THAT DESTROYS EIGHT APARTMENTS

SHEEP BORN WITH UPSIDE DOWN HEAD

MANATEE-RIDING WOMAN HANDS HERSELF IN

MAN FREED AFTER GETTING HIS HEAD STUCK IN BIN IN ABERDEEN

JOHN SNOW ADMITS TO DRIVING DOWN THE MOTORWAY ON LSD, AFTER SOMEONE SPIKED HIS STRAWBERRY FLAN

MANKINI, 'FAKE PENIS' BAN REDUCING CRIME, POLICE CLAIM

MAN WHOSE SEVERED FINGER WAS FOUND INSIDE A LAKE TROUT DOES NOT WANT IT BACK

BUDDHIST 'IRON MAN' FOUND BY NAZIS IS FROM SPACE

FORTY CANADIAN BIRDS BONKING AGAINST WINDOWS EVERY MINUTE

ROMNEY DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU CAN'T ROLL DOWN WINDOWS ON A PLANE

CAT EATING MASHED POTATO WITH A FORK VIDEO GOES VIRAL

DRUNK WOMAN STEALS 45FT FERRY WHILE SHOUTING 'I'M JACK SPARROW'

NUN, 82, 'SHUT DOWN NUCLEAR FACILITY AFTER BREAKING IN AND SPLATTERING URANIUM COMPLEX WITH BLOOD'

CANADIAN WOMAN HITS MOOSE, ON WAY TO SEE SISTER, WHO HIT MOOSE

WOMBLE WINS BEAN BAG TOSS AT MASCOT TRIATHLON

NO HARD FEELINGS AFTER DOG SHOOTS HUNTSMAN IN FRANCE

MONKEY 'FOUND IN SMUGGLER'S TROUSERS'

FOOT FETISH TORTOISE GOES MISSING

WOMAN 'MURDERS NEIGHBOUR WITH BRA'

LAB TECHNICIAN ARRESTED AFTER HE IS FOUND DRUNK WITH HIS PANTS DOWN... SURROUNDED BY MONKEYS

'FACE-KINI' BEACH BALACLAVA CRAZE HITS CHINA

BARRY WHITE HELPS FLAMINGOS BREED

AND THE MOST EMBARRASSING PLACE TO LIVE IN BRITAIN IS... SHITTERTON

SANDCASTLE COMPETITION CANCELLED DUE TO LACK OF SAND

MAN'S 'TRICK' OF LIGHTING FIREWORK FROM BUTTOCKS BACKFIRES!

JEREMY HUNT HITS WOMAN WITH BELL END

TRAFFIC SIGNS IN NEW ZEALAND DESTROYED BY PROSTITUTES PERFORMING STUNTS

'BLACK MADAM' CHARGED IN BUTTOCKS INJECTION DEATH

WORLD'S LONGEST PENIS MISTAKEN FOR BIO-WEAPON AT AIRPORT

WOMAN LOSES HALF HER BODY WEIGHT IN A YEAR AFTER DECIDING SHE LOOKED LIKE HER OBESE DOG

MAN USES PIRANHA AS SCISSORS

NEWARK HAIRDRESSER'S 'MAN BOOBS' HELP HIM FIND HIS LONG-LOST FATHER

FRENCH COWS REARED ON FINE WINE

'DEPRAVED' SEX ACTS BY PENGUINS SHOCKED POLAR EXPLORER

17 EMERGENCY STAFF CARRY 40-STONE WOMAN FROM HOME TO AMBULANCE

TALKING URINAL CAKES URGE CUSTOMERS NOT TO DRINK AND DRIVE

NO EVIDENCE OF MERMAIDS, SAYS US GOVERNMENT

ADIDAS GIVES ANDY MURRAY NEW SHORTS AFTER BALLS POP OUT

MYSTERY MUSHROOM FOUND IN CHINA TURNS OUT TO BE A FAKE VAGINA

MAN ARRESTED FOR POINTING GUN AT NEIGHBOUR OVER FARTING INCIDENT

MAN DENIES SEX WITH FAMILY'S BULL MASTIFF

CHERIE BLAIR AND CILLA BLACK LEAD GOATS ACROSS LONDON BRIDGE

FIVE FINGER BAREFOOT RUNNING SHOES TO BECOME LATEST FASHION PHENOMENON

STONED GIRL MISTOOK PYLON FOR BRIDGE

HAIR WEAVE GO!

WHY IT'S OK THAT SOME CHILDREN THINK ASLAN IS A GIRAFFE

CANE UKRAINE, WAYNE... AND AVOID SPAIN PAIN

BEAR KNOCKS OVER HALF NAKED SWEDE

JACUZZI BURSTS INTO FLAMES

HANDY HANDYMEN HANDED HANDY HARDENED HANDHELD HARDWARE

MAN NOT FELINE GOOD DIVORCES AFTER WIFE BUYS 550 CATS

FORMER PORN ACTOR SUSPECTED OF MAILING BODY PARTS TO CANADIAN POLITICAL PARTIES

FIVE WIVES VODKA DEEMED TOO OFFENSIVE TO MORMONS

LUCKY ESCAPE FOR THE HEDGEHOG FOUND IN KING'S LYNN WITH HIS HEAD STUCK IN A TIN

WOMAN IN SUMO WRESTLER SUIT ASSAULTS EX-GIRLFRIEND WHO WAVED AT MAN DRESSED AS SNICKERS BAR

WATT A WASTE

TWO DOLPHINS OVERDOSE AT TECHNO RAVE IN A ZOO

MAN DRESSED UP AS PENGUIN RECEIVES MORE VOTES THAN THE LIBERAL DEMOCRATS

MAN SUES BMW AFTER MOTORCYCLE RIDE GAVE HIM '20-MONTH ERECTION'

CAN RUPERT BEAR MUCH MORE?

WOMAN 'BITES DOG'

A BEAR IN MIDAIR! LOOK, OVER THERE!

MAN CHARGED WITH ASSAULT AFTER DEMANDING MOONWALK DANCE AT GUNPOINT

COW TURNS UP AT MCDONALDS

FOREST SERVICE CONSIDERING EXPLOSIVES TO GET RID OF FROZEN COWS IN COLORADO MOUNTAIN CABIN

GEORGE THE GOLDFISH DEVELOPS HITLER MOUSTACHE

BLIND WRITER DIDN'T KNOW PEN HAD RUN OUT

GRAVY-WRESTLING MODEL SUFFERS HORRENDOUS FACIAL INJURIES AFTER BEING HIT WITH MONKEY WRENCH WHEN SHE INTERRUPTED A FRIEND HAVING SEX

BURGLAR 'BREASTFED STRANGER'S BABY'

IT'S BUNBELIEVABLE

MOUSTACHE OWNERS DEMAND TAX BREAKS

WE BUILT THIS CITY ON SAUSAGE ROLLS

AUSTRIAN MAN SAWS OFF HIS OWN FOOT TO AVOID WORK

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO ENTER MISS SOUTHAMPTON?

VINCENT COMPANY ADMITS 'MY FOREHEAD IS AS BIG AS THE MOON'

BUS DRIVER SACKED FOR EATING A GRAPE

VICAR HOSPITALISED WITH POTATO UP HIS BUM

BOY, 5, SET FOR FIRST EVER HAIRCUT

WORLD'S TALLEST MAN STOPS GROWING

COULD THIS BE THE MOST RELAXED POLAR BEAR EVER?

POKEMON CHAMPION STRIPPED OF HIS TITLE AFTER ALLEGED 'POO FIGHT' IN HOTEL

COMMUTER ACCUSED OF SEX ACT ON TRAIN WALKS FREE FROM COURT AFTER TELLING COURT HE WAS STRUMMING AN 'IMAGINARY BANJO'

MAN DIES AFTER FAILED ATTEMPT AT SETTING NEW 'BURIED ALIVE' WORLD RECORD

DRUNK DAD
BITES SON

MAN EATS DOGS

POLL: SANTORUM COMES FROM BEHIND IN ALABAMA THREE-WAY

DRINK DRIVER GOES OFF RAILS

BRITISH CLIMBERS SET REMARKABLE RECORD JAMMED UPSIDE DOWN INSIDE A CREVICE

HOW TO STAY GOTH PAST 50

PREGNANT WOMAN EATS LOCAL NEWSPAPER

HEART ATTACK GRILL CUSTOMER COLLAPSES

'S**TSTORM' CHOSEN BY GERMAN LINGUISTS AS TOP NEW ADDITION TO LANGUAGE

PREGNANT TEEN BRAYS LIKE DONKEY

MAN IN PANTS CRAWLS ACROSS ICE TO SAVE DOG

PET TORTOISE REUNITED WITH SHELL-SHOCKED FAMILY AFTER CRAWLING OFF AND GETTING STUCK IN WIRE FENCE FOR FIVE MONTHS

EASYJET FLIGHT PASSENGERS' SHOCK AS SCOTSMAN SPENDS ENTIRE FLIGHT NAKED

GEORGE CLOONEY LOOKALIKE WINNER LOOKS NOTHING LIKE GEORGE CLOONEY

SHEEP HERDING SWEDISH BUNNY BECOMES ONLINE HIT

CANNIBAL AND SATAN-WORSHIPPING VAMPIRE HOPE TO GET MARRIED BEHIND BARS

MUPPET FILM NOT COMMUNIST, SAYS FROG

SMARTIE SANDWICH FOR SCHOOLCHILD SPARKS HEALTH CAMPAIGN IN LINCOLNSHIRE

PAULA THE PENGUIN POOPS ON KENTUCKY STATE SENATE FLOOR

MAN ARRESTED FOR PUNCHING HIS WIFE TELLS POLICE: "A GHOST DID IT"

HARRY REDKNAPP THREATENED TO 'SUE THE BOLLOCKS OFF' JOURNALIST OVER BUNG CLAIM

MORE THAN 60 BOTTLES OF URINE FOUND IN SUFFOLK VILLAGE

MAN ARRESTED OVER SADDAM'S BUTTOCK

INDONESIA CRACKS DOWN ON 'TRAIN SURFING' WITH HELP OF CONCRETE BALLS

PATIENT GETS PILLOWCASE INSTEAD OF GOWN

ED MILIBAND LOOKALIKE DEATH THREAT TWEETER ARRESTED

HUGHES EYES ALEX, MAGPIES ARE WEARY

ZOPITTYBOP-BOP-BOP HAS COPS IN A KNOT

WOMAN WITH TWO VAGINAS 'CELEBRATES HER QUIRKY CONDITION' AND 'VISITS FETISH CLUBS'

MAN JAILED FOR ASSAULTING POLICE OFFICER WITH STUFFED MONKEY

SQUIRREL FALLS FOR TOY DINOSAUR

DEAF FOOTBALLER SENT OFF FOR CELEBRATING GOAL BECAUSE HE DIDN'T HEAR REFEREE'S WHISTLE

GRUMPY CROC ELVIS 'THE KING' AFTER LAWNMOWER GRAB

MAN WHOSE DOG GOT DRUNK ON VODKA AND COKE BANNED FROM HAVING A DOG FOR THREE YEARS

ITALIAN PRIME MINISTER NOT A ROBOT

RING LOST NEARLY TWO DECADES AGO RESURFACES ON CARROT