CHRISTMAS TREE THIEF CAUGHT BY TRAIL OF PINE NEEDLES

DEEP FRIED BUTTER BALLS - 'CORONARY ON A PLATE'

CROISSANT THIEF ON THE LOOSE IN FRANCE

YACHTING FAN, 77, ALMOST CRUSHED TO DEATH BY 7,000 MAGAZINES

THIEF SLIPS AWAY WITH TRUCKLOAD OF MARGARINE

'GAY' PENGUINS BUDDY AND PEDRO TURN ATTENTION TO THE LADIES

BRAZILIAN BANDITS STEAL 50 TONS OF CORN FROM A MOVING TRAIN

NAKED CAR THIEF CAUGHT BY POLICE DOG

CALIFORNIA COUPLE BADLY INJURED AFTER NAKED BODYBUILDER ATTACK

DOZENS OF WHIZZ KIDS CRACK SPY JOB AD CODE

CHUBBY CHINESE THIEF IN TIGHT SPOT

FUNNY FINNISH BUNNY THINKS HE'S A CHICKEN

FAST FOOD CHAIN'S AD FEATURES DEAD DICTATORS DANCING

DOG SHOOTS MAN IN BUTTOCKS, US POLICE REVEAL

SHIPS WARNED OF FLOATING VAUXHALL CORSA IN BRISTOL CHANNEL

MARMITE LORRY SPILL CAUSES JAM ON M1

IMPATIENT DOG SOUNDS HORN TO ALERT UNHURRIED FAMILY

STUDENTS NO LONGER NEED TO GIVE PROFESSOR SNACKS

GROUPON BUSTED FOR BULGING BREASTS BARGAIN BOOB

FART, TAMPON, IDIOT AND HEADLIGHTS – PAKISTAN BANS CERTAIN WORDS FROM TEXT MESSAGES

PERSON ARRESTED OVER 'CEMENT IN BUTTOCKS' INJECTION

SEVEN-YEAR-OLD INDIAN GIRL KURA NITYA CRIES 'TEARS' OF STONE

THE THIRD RIPE: TOMATO LOOKS LIKE HITLER

LOCAL DOG PUBLISHES BOOK OF POETRY

ALLEGED BURGLAR PUTS UP XMAS DECORATIONS

CHICKENPOX LOLLIPOPS SPARK CONCERNS

LUCOZADE IS A DRINK, A COURT RULES

MY LIFE RUINED SAYS TAMPON CHUCKER

MAN WOKE UP GAY AFTER STROKE

MOTORWAY CLOSED AFTER LORRY SPILLS LOAD OF DOUGHNUTS

FOOTBALLERS BANNED FOR BUM SQUEEZE

WOMAN HAD TO SHOW ID TO BUY QUICHE

ANIMAL NUT CAGED FOR STEALING A SNAKE... SIX YEARS AFTER BEING CAUGHT WITH ALLIGATOR IN HIS BATH

SUSPECT FALLS THROUGH CEILING, INTO POLICE CUSTODY

NAKED WOMAN GUTS AND CLIMBS INSIDE DEAD HORSE: TAKES PHOTOS

GERMAN POLICE STOP DRUNK 'YODA'

POLICEWOMAN GETS £10,000 COMPENSATION AFTER CHAIR BROKE

DRUNKEN TOPLESS WOMAN ARRESTED AFTER 130MPH CAR CHASE

CHON SAAN DELIVERYMAN ROBBED; FISH FILLET AT LARGE

SMALL BEAR MAKES MESS IN ALASKA GROCERY STORE

FAR RIGHT PARTY'S 'FASCIST GOAT' MASCOT SNATCHED

SEX WORKSHOPS FOR PENSIONERS CANCELLED DUE TO LACK OF INTEREST

COUNCIL SEND 12 PEOPLE AND A POLICEMAN TO CHANGE A MAN'S LIGHTBULB

ARSONIST BANNED FROM DRINKING ALLOWED SHERRY TRIFLE ON HIS BIRTHDAY

TEARS AT CELEBRITY CROCODILE'S FUNERAL

PET SEX MAN WOOED DOG

DOES MY BOMB LOOK BIG IN THIS? NUDIST BEACH CONTAINS 87 EXPLOSIVES

TURKISH POLICE STUNG AFTER ROBBERS RELEASE BEES

POLICE SAY MAN ROBBED BANK, THEN WENT FOR PIZZA

PARROT MAN STUGGLES TO LEAVE THE HOUSE EACH DAY WITHOUT HIS PET PARROTS

DRUNK SWISS MAN MISTAKES ROAD INTO LAKE FOR UNDERGROUND CAR PARK

BEETLES DIE DURING SEX WITH BEER BOTTLES

JUG MADE FROM OLIVER CROMWELL'S HORSE FOUND ON ANTIQUES ROADSHOW

MR PENGUIN PLANS PENGUIN-THEMED FUNERAL

MAN WHO PUT RAW CHICKEN INTO HEATING DUCTS OF EX'S HOME COULD FACE 18-YEAR JAIL TERM

MAN MARRIES PILLOW

TODDLER ADDICTED TO EATING BRICK, GLASS AND ROCKS CHOMPED THROUGH AN ENTIRE LIGHTBULB

FRISKY FARMER, 90, HAS 50 CHILDREN

COPS DON'T SEE HUMOUR IN PARTYING WITH CORPSE

FACEBOOK CAMPAIGN FOR GORDON THE TRAMP TO CARRY OLYMPIC TORCH 'SOARING'

GORDON RAMSAY'S GAY DWARF PORN DOPPELGANGER FOUND DEAD, PERCY FOSTER EATEN BY BADGER